Ramblings Of A Cyb3rn4u7

Y’know, I created this blog because I wanted to keep people updated with things going on in my life, be they personal or professional. I’ve done a rather poor job of it as of late.

So here we go:

Early on in the year, I was diagnosed as type-2 diabetic. This isn’t such a bad thing, as I had been doing my best to cut sugar out of my diet on my own, like I subconsciuously knew. During a routine test, something else was discovered. Something that warranted a further investigation.

A colonoscopy uncovered something I really didn’t want to know. A further CT scan confirmed it. I had stage 4 colon cancer. There is no stage 5. On August 28, I went under the knife. As of right now, the cancer in my colon is gone, as is my large intestine & a section of my small one. No extra baggage required (if you get my meaning). Everything was reconnected & life goes on.

However, it doesn’t stop there. I also have cancer in my liver. I am currently awaiting an MRI to more definitely identify how bad, and as to the type of treatment I will require in order to get rid of it.

I think the worst part of all of this is the waiting. I have no idea when I will have my MRI scheduled. I do know that once I have it, it will be a further week for the surgeons to deliberate on the best course of action to get rid of the cancer. I have no idea at this rate if I will be able to enjoy my birthday/Christmas/NYE or if those three things will be effectively cancelled because of surgery/chemo/recovery. The waiting is the hardest part.

Two bright points in all this: tomorrow (Friday) night, I get to close Nightshade, my residency that I haven’t played in three months because of recovery from the initial surgery. The other being Gothic Little Christmas, which I have done every year since its inception. This year will be no different, thankfully. I will be taking attendance & providing music for the event as I have always done.

I just want this surgery over with so I can get back to my life, my work & my residency full-time. To say it’s driving me nuts is an understatement. I’m naturally impatient about things as it is. This isn’t helping matters at all.

There you have it. More as it happens.

Front Line Assembly - Bio Mechanic
Project Pitchfork - Carnival
Evil’s Toy - Angels Only! (Beyond)
VNV Nation - Joy
:Wumpscut: - Soylent Grün
Will - Father Forgive
Images In Vogue - Rescue Me
Moev - Crucify Me
Skinny Puppy - Assimilate
Informätik - Peril Eyes
KMFDM - Ultra
Nine Inch Nails - Ringfinger
Front 242 - Headhunter V1.0
Download - Glassblower (Re-mix)
Velvet Acid Christ - Decypher (Forensics Edit)
Covenant - Speed (Club Version)
Funker Vogt - Killing Fields
Assemblage 23 - Purgatory
Cyberaktif - Nothing Stays

Don’t forget! Next show is our ALL-REQUEST SHOW!! Don’t miss it!

Feindflug - Ersatzteil
FGFC820 - Call To Glory
Skinny Puppy - illisiT
Decoded Feedback - Duality (NEW)
Front Line Assembly - Re-Animate
Ludovico Technique - Dead Inside
Soman - Major Dysfunction
Toys No More - AtmenTanzen (NEW)
The Firm Incorporated - Schluss Mit Lustig (NEW)
Victor Love - Bitchcraft (feat. KMFDM) (NEW)
Ayria - Barren (Decoded Feedback Mix)
OHM - Car Crash
Wumpscut - Riese (:W: Remix)
Panic Lift - Paper mask (Modulate Club Mix) (NEW)
Transponder - The Atomic Playboy (feat. Leæther Strip) (NEW)
Memmaker - Sunstorm
Razed in Black - Sin (Extended Mix)

Next show is on June 11th @ 8pm Atlantic/6pm Central/midnight GMT!

• VNV Nation -  Where There Is Light (Rotersand Remix)
• Manufacture - As The End Draws Near (feat. Sarah McLachlan)
  
• Front Line Assembly - Deadened
  
• Syrian - Orion Shall Rise
  
• Ayria - Deconstruct Me
  
• Blutengel - What You Get
  
• Ego Likeness - Inferno (Hotter Than Hell Mix by Komor Kommando)
  
• Essence Of Mind - After The Break Up (ExoSun Remix)
  
• Komor Kommando - Love Your Neighbor (KMFDM Remix)
  
• This Morn’ Omina - Enuma Elish
  
• iVardensphere - A Tale of Two Wolves
  
• Iszoloscope - Skotophobique
  
• Skinny Puppy - Inquisition (Extended Mix)
  
• Noiz+Zilenth - Immortal
  
• DYM - Resonance
  
• Pneumatic Detach - Interim
  
• Terrorfakt - The Unknown
  
• Download - Omniman
  
• Deathline International -  Eisbär (BhamBhamHara Remix)
  

Next show is on May 28th @ 8pm Atlantic/6pm Central/midnight GMT!!

This weekend I was providing volunteer assistance to a local geek/nerd/fandom event. As was the case last year, I was broke, and couldn’t afford any goodies this year. That’s not the issue that’s been on my mind.

At the end of the VIP party, I stood outside with a group of people that I considered friends. And it was then that I realized just how much I am not wanted in the fandom community in this city. Especially when one of the people, whom I considered a friend, neither spoke to me, nor did they even look in my direction. Another person, who I have on my friends list, barely even registered I existed. This is not the first time people that, in the past considered me a friend, have shunned me.

I didn’t become part of fandom in this city to be subjected to this level of ostracism. I didn’t realize that, like an increasing amount of activities, the politics were more important than having fun.

Because of this, I am removing myself from nearly all fandom groups in the HRM, and thusly trimming back my friends list as well.

I will not stay where I am not welcome.

What I am about to say is not a revelation by any means…but it is a fact.

At least it is in my case. Your mileage may vary.

I have been a DJ for 28 years now. As much fun as it is to play music for everyone, it’s a very lonely profession.

Here’s what I mean: tonight was Nightshade. I was up on stage for the duration of the event, four-and-a-half hours. In that time, no one came up to say hi. Not one person. I get it; I’m on stage, spinning music. I’m essentially working for that period of time. But it’s still nice to have people acknowledge I’m there & working to entertain everyone. I do enjoy getting hugs, fist bumps, friendly banter..all of it.

Rarely does it happen. I keep wondering if I’m diseased or something. Even when I leave the stage to come & walk the floor a bit, it’s like I’m not even there.

Unless someone wants a request. Then I’m everybody’s best bud. Women will flirt just enough to have their song played. But once that’s done, they have no need of me. I seriously don’t think anyone knows just how much that hurts.

I also realize that once I take off the mask & goggles, the DJ is gone, and the old man is in his place. We’re one in the same. I’m no less human. I’m no less of a person. 

But no one remembers that. I’m just the iPod.Only there when someone wants something. Then I’m invisible.